A Keyboard Placement Manifesto

Don't send me $20 please

The Keyboard In The Front Club manifesto.txt, presented without modification outside of appropriate line breaks.

          A Keyboard Placement Manifesto

                 by Paul Miller

We have sweaty palms. And we did not ask for this. A "laptop" is for laps only if you have no more imagination than a dictionary. I want a portable computer. I want my palms to remain at an acceptable temperature. I want you to join me. Let's start the Keyboard In The Front Club.

For too long we have allowed laptop manufacturers to believe that we demand keyboards in the back, touchpads in the front. We have tricked them, or even ourselves, into believing that we are all rubber stamped consumers, pleading for rubber stamped laptops from our corporate overlords. Someone mistakenly thought that we are baby birds, mouths agape, waiting for mama bird to regurgitate last year's laptop design into us. Disgusting.

    I am not stamped from rubber.
      I am no baby.
        I want a keyboard in the front.

The Keyboard In The Front Club demands no loyalty. We seek no conformance. We only seek the liberty of non-conformance. Some "laptops" are aptly named. We lounge and type. We watch Netflix. We chill. There are no hard feelings here.

But a portable computer must often sacrifice loungability for other priorities. At-desk ergonomics. High-end performance. The cooling necessary to raise the performance ceiling. Sheer iconoclasm. And, most importantly: non-sweaty palms.

The Keyboard In The Front Club merely says to the many and varied laptop manufacturers: "surprise us!" And, "do it a good one!" We have no dogma. If the keyboard is split down the middle, or hovering in mid-air, or purely mental, is that not what we mean by "keyboard in the front?" Have we challenged convention today Then we are happy. Are our palms un-sweaty while our portable computers grant us teraflops? Then we are glad.

Please send me $20 if you want to join the club.